For Girls: Inside the Mind of a Guy

As a heterosexual guy, I cannot really give all that good of advice on “how to be an attractive girl” other than very vague and unhelpful things like “look pretty” and “be nice.”  That said, one thing of value I can offer you is a sort of window into the mind of a guy.

Now, now, there is more that goes on inside a guy’s mind than sex.  We do on occasion think about girl on girl makeouts ;-).

Kidding aside, us guys, like you girls, are pretty complex.  Our lives are filled with contradicting messages about how to act around girls, and a lot of generally weird ideas have resulted.

For instance, a lot of films feature awkward guys who, after showering a girl with praise and gifts, end up stealing her from the bad boy and driving off with her into the sunset.  As a result, guys think that if they can be super nice to you, they can make you their girlfriend.

This is usually mixed with highly romanticized views of girls, such as the belief that girls do not like sex, girls must be showered with expensive dates, all girls want the same types of relationships, girls must control the relationship, the guy is there to please the girl, etc.

On the other end of the spectrum, a lot of guys hold the view that only “bad boys” can attract girls.  They get this belief because, well, the evidence seems to be all around them.  It is usually the jocks in high school who have the attractive girlfriends, and in the real world it is the rockstars, aggressive womanizers and grown up “bros” who seem to get laid.

This is why guys will pretend to act really arrogant around you, insult you, judge you, call you a whore, and act like an overall douchebag.

In the middle are guys who get that what girls like is the masculinity of the bad boy coupled with the respect of the nice guy.  Nevertheless, these guys still probably bum you out a lot.  For instance, you might have had thoughts like these before…

– “Why didn’t he come talk to me?”
– “Why is he talking about that?”
– “When is he going to make his move?  Does he not see my signals?”
– “Why did he start acting weird?”
– “Wow, he’s going way too fast”

Regardless of how pretty you look or how nice you seem, not all guys who want to approach you and start a conversation will.  There are a million potential reasons for this, from the guy already having a girlfriend to the guy being legitimately busy.  Oftentimes, however, the reason is that he is afraid of being rejected by you.

This might seem pretty lame to you, but consider this: the feeling guys get when they have a fear of rejection is the same feeling you get when you are about to have serious physical pain.  Some scientists believe that this is because being rejected from a group literally meant death during the time humans were evolving.

Science aside, feeling that fear of rejection sucks, and it is really tough for even otherwise confident guys to get a handle on it.  Keep that in mind when you see a guy who clearly thinks your cute but is reluctant to come over and talk to you.

Because most of the information coming at guys about girls is pretty lame, most guys really do not know how to act around girls- and that includes how to talk to them.  That’s why conversations with guys can be pretty awkward and forced much of the time.

Moreover, most advice guys hear revolves around “being funny” or “being impressive” around girls.  This explains why guys will try and crack a joke every other sentence or weave in stories of elaborate trips to Italy out of nowhere.

They’re doing the best they can, it’s just that they have awful information to work with.

Ya, it’s true that you girls like us to be funny and interesting, but at the same time you obviously aren’t attracted to clowns or try-hards.

Additionally, inexperienced guys generally do not know what it means to make a move.  In movies, oftentimes their best source, kisses are dramatic and oftentimes initiated by the girl.  Moreover, there is usually a cutaway from the kiss directly to sex.  The stuff in between is not shown.

So if a guy isn’t picking up on your signals, it does not always mean that he doesn’t want you.

When a guy suddenly starts acting “weird,” it is usually because he suddenly got nervous.  Ore often than not, he realizes that he might have a chance with you and doesn’t want to screw it up.  To “not screw it up” he gets inside his head and out of what is going on between the two of you.

Additionally, he may just tighten up when he thinks about what might be happening between you two.  Guys love to fantasize, but when the fantasy turns into reality, it can sometimes be a little scary.

On the other hand, when guys “go to fast,” it is usually because they are either trying to mimic the bad boy <i>or</i> because they did not correctly interpret your signals.  Some guys are told by their friends to have a “always be closing” mindset (Like you’re a door or something), which might be why they are all gung ho.

If the guy is clearly more aggressive than he was the last time you saw them, it may very well be because they got home, thought about what happened between you two, and concluded that they had missed an opportunity to escalate with you.  They are trying to correct their mistake this time.

I will leave it to you to figure out what to do with this information.  The one thing I hope you have gotten out of it is this: being a guy isn’t any easier than being a girl, at least when it comes to dating and relationships.  Keep that in mind when the guy does something that confuses the hell out of you.


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