How To Make Friends If You Have None

Alright, so you have no friends and you want some.  How do you go about getting them?

The good news is that you do not have to be some kind of conversational wizard.  

All you have to do is be friendly and proactive.

People in general are attracted to whatever provides them with good emotions.  This is why even the most socially awkward, nerdy people have friends.

How do you give people good emotions?  By not trying to make a certain impression on the other person.  

What does this mean?  Be authentic.

A lot of people do not interact with others authentically.  They are constantly trying to impress or manipulate how the other person thinks of them.


By default, if you are expressing yourself as opposed to trying to impress another person, you are a source of good emotions.  This is because humans are wired to enjoy authentic conversation with other humans.

When you are trying to impress other people, you are by definition trying to get a certain reaction from them.  This is value taking to the extreme, and they can feel it.  

Think about a beggar who approaches you on the street.  How do you feel when he starts talking to you?  Usually pretty defensive.  Why?  Because you know he wants something from you.

So when you meet someone new, expect nothing.  This is incredibly important.  When you expect nothing, and just let go of any outcome, you will be communicating all the right things.  At that point, even boring conversation will work.

Being proactive means taking the initiative in the friendship.  The key ingredient to a friendship is time spent doing things together, so take the lead and arrange things with other people.  

In college, the easiest things to invite people to are parties.  As I talked about in another article, the path of least resistance is to be able to provide hot girls, booze or a place to party.

That said, those are a few options among many.  Off the top of my head, you can invite people to…

– Swing by and play video games
– Check out a part of campus
– Study
– Play pool
– Attend a sporting event
– Go ice skating
– Go to the mall
– Window shop
– Get a coffee
– Go to the park
– Walk your dog
– Go out to eat
– Meet up for a meal (Money if you’re in the dorms)
– Go to an event
– Go to the bar
– Go dancing
– Bowling
– Watch TV at your place
– Go do some shots
– Pick up girls/guys
– Pull some prank
– Play catch
– Play frisbee
– Go to the gym

And that’s just off the top of my head.  There are thousands of other things you can do.

Being proactive also extends to meeting people in the first place.  Start up conversations with people in class, have a pleasant conversation and simply say “yo, we should hang out some time.”  Boom, you have a new acquaintance.  Call him/her up and suggest doing something.  Do this a few times, and you’re friends with the person.

And yes, always assume that people are lazy.  Be the one making the calls.  be the one making the arrangements.  Go introduce people to one another and help them keep up an initial conversation.

And have no expectations from your friends.  If they flake on you, it isn’t a big deal.  If they keep blowing you off, it doesn’t necessarily mean they hate you.

Because remember, humans are, well, human.


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